Chinese coaches help women heal from narcissists; spot signs, escape toxic relationships

Some Chinese women are investing thousands of yuan (equivalent to several hundred US dollars) to learn how to heal from the scars inflicted by narcissistic partners, recognise their behaviours, and even counter them.On Chinese social media, multiple coaches offer guidance to those struggling with “people with NPD” (narcissistic personality disorder) in their intimate relationships.NPD has become a trending topic on Chinese social media. The hashtag #NPD boasts 630 million views and 4.7 million discussions on RedNote, a lifestyle platform in China.One coach, known only as Yanan, claims to be among the pioneers in sharing knowledge about toxic individuals with NPD in relationships. She made her first relevant post in 2021 during the high-profile divorce of Mandopop star Wang Leehom from his ex-wife Lee Jinglei, who alleged that Wang was diagnosed with NPD.Yanan revealed that she herself was a victim of this disorder in intimate relationships. Her ex-husband, with whom she shared nearly a decade, ultimately cheated and inflicted violence upon both her and their child.A woman looking emotionally troubled in the photo above. Yanan survived narcissistic abuse first-hand in her own intimate relationships before turning her pain into purpose, becoming a coach to help other victims heal. Photo: ShutterstockAfter divorcing him, she entered a new relationship with a boyfriend who was as “self-centred and condescending” as her ex. Despite her discomfort in this new relationship, she chose to stay, citing her need for material support due to his wealth.A journalism graduate, Yanan delved into psychology in 2017 while navigating toxic relationships. Although she was aware of personality disorders, she admitted: “I cannot see the forest for the trees.”As discussions on NPD gained traction online, Yanan pursued a master’s and PhD in psychology and began offering various products ranging from a “guidebook against narcissists” priced at 19.9 yuan (US$3) to paid courses costing between 699 yuan (US$105) and 5,980 yuan.However, her sessions function more as crash courses than traditional psychology consultations. She provides template responses for students facing common scenarios, such as when their partner belittles, berates, or emotionally abuses them.In her videos, she wears luxury items to empower her clients, many of whom often feel “lacking agency.”In one video, Yanan likens the conflicts between her clients and their partners with NPD to a “war,” urging them to “attack the NPDs using their own weaknesses.” She suggests that, since NPDs derive power from feeling superior to others, her clients should “belittle them back.”A professional psychiatrist talking and offering counsel to a woman patient shows that seeking help from a professional has become a norm for people facing mental issues. Photo: ShutterstockAdditionally, she instructs clients to leverage their partners’ narcissism if they cannot leave, encouraging them to flatter their partners to induce spending.One woman born in the 1970s did not hesitate to invest in Yanan’s 5,980-yuan course. After being depressed from years of infidelity and abuse by her husband, she expressed that she was studying the course “in order to live.”Conversely, another woman who bought Yanan’s 19.9-yuan guidebook was sceptical. “If I follow her advice, will not I turn into another NPD?” she questioned.Yanan has amassed 15,000 followers on her social media platform. In addition to specialised coaches like her, other influencers, including renowned Chinese psychologist Wu Zhihong and leading Chinese stand-up comedian Li Dan, also share insights on identifying and escaping relationships with individuals exhibiting NPD.While the scientific validity of such content may be contested, many believe it offers valuable support to victims of narcissism.“It does not hurt if an abuser is misidentified as having NPD, as their victims are truly suffering. This content addresses their plea for help,” remarked one netizen.