Reform UK are such a joke, they deserve a slot on the Edinburgh fringe | John Crace

You would need to have a heart of stone not to fall about laughing. There was a time not so long ago when Reform could give a passable impression of a vaguely functional political party. One that knew its audience and had learned how to get its message across through the media. Admittedly this was largely because the party was a one-man band with all its MPs accepting that they owed their entire existence to Nige. They were satellites to his sun. Nigel Farage was Reform, and Reform was Nige.In recent months though, things have been falling apart and Reform now resemble an anarchic end–of-the-pier clown show. And chaos has seldom been this entertaining. The fun started when Nige had an uncharacteristic fit of humility and tried to pretend he was only a first among equals with the grandiose announcement of a “shadow cabinet” of four people. Largely because that’s about as many serious politicians as he had at his disposal.The trouble with this was the country took one look at Robert Jenrick, Suella Braverman, Richard Tice and Zia Yusuf and thought it must be a joke. Was that really it? The idea of any of them in charge of a government department was genuinely terrifying. And Zia can’t even get elected as an MP. It’s doubtful any Reform constituency association wants anything to do with him. He’s a man that people dislike on sight – it saves time that way – and appeared to have only been admitted to the Reform elite because he had a lot of money that he was prepared to give to the party.That was just the start though. Then came the money troubles. The £5m gift from the crypto billionaire Christopher Harborne that Nige has never satisfactorily managed to explain. Other than as the going rate for a lifestyle most of his Clacton constituents could only dream of. There were also the financial transactions that originated from Posh George and his Mum that were deemed worthy of investigation for money laundering. Hardly the stuff of the man of the people. As for Nige’s decision to call a diversionary byelection, that too has backfired spectacularly. Beating a man with a bin on his head was hardly sticking it to the establishment.With Nige having taken to lying low, Reform appear to be in freefall. Their latest circus act has been to suspend one of its most prominent members, Tim Montgomerie, and for the row to become public. Montgomerie was about as loyal to Reform as someone who defected from the Tories a while ago could be. Which is to say, he was as close to being a loyalist as you can get. He actually believes in what the party is doing, rather than using it for career advancement.Though for a bright man, Tim has been extraordinarily dim. He thought that when Nige had told him he wanted intelligent voices to challenge his ideas, he actually meant it. Forgetting that Nige is a narcissist through and through who can’t tolerate a word of criticism. When Nige says he wants to test his ideas, what he actually had in mind was a few emails from Tim telling him how marvellous he is. As Dicky Tice will tell you, the only safe place with Nige is when your head is firmly implanted in his bum.Even so, Tim might have survived if he had just contented himself with sending a few unwanted messages to Nige. But Tim is a believer who just can’t keep quiet. He’s a top Rent-a-Gob on the Rent-a-Gob media merry-go-round. Seldom off the radio or TV. So Tim made no effort to hide his dissatisfaction with Zia. In particular, he didn’t like the way Zia appeared to be enjoying himself when he was announcing ever more extreme ways to control immigration. It wasn’t that Tim didn’t believe in the policies. He just thought Reform should appear to adopt them with a heavy heart.skip past newsletter promotionafter newsletter promotionThis was a bad category error. Tim should have realised that taking pleasure in being unpleasant to foreigners is central to Reform’s appeal. When Zia suggests that he wouldn’t mind firing shots into the small boats or starting a war with France, he is only saying what other members of Reform are thinking. The word made flesh. Reform isn’t about Making Britain Great Again. It’s about bringing the fun back into politics. Making the profane sacred.But this wasn’t even Tim’s biggest mistake. That was to imagine he was allowed to utter a word of criticism, no matter how helpfully intended. The rules on this are strict. Only Nige is allowed to fall out with other members of the Reform inner circle. He makes the rules as he goes along. What’s acceptable one day may not be so the next. So it’s quite possible that Nige is equally fed up with Zia, but just isn’t ready to do anything about it. Tim should have learned to keep his mouth shut. And has found himself learning the hard way.In the meantime, Zia has been rushing on his run. Perhaps realising that his time in Reform may be limited and determined to take the party down with him. Not caring whom he offends in his efforts to settle a few scores. Just the other day he posted on X that those MPs with the title ”right honourable” are generally the most dishonourable people he knows. Now you might think that was a dig at some Labour and Tory privy councillors, but it can’t have escaped his attention that two of them are Honest Bob and Suella. He is starting his own civil war.And it’s catching on. Albeit in Dicky’s case, almost certainly by accident. Because Nige’s silence has allowed Dicky to imagine he has a mind of his own. Which, of course, he doesn’t. So that’s why he has been holding press conferences in which he has been happy to embarrass himself and make Reform look stupid. Like appearing to welcome the climate crisis with the suggestion we should all be taking advantage of the drought by embracing food insecurity and increased deaths among the over 60s.But in an otherwise quiet August, they are doing us a favour with some of the best entertainment on offer. Next year they should try the Edinburgh Fringe.