Heartbroken Chinese women pay up to US$3,000 to win back exes amid 90% success claims

In China, many heartbroken women are spending thousands of yuan on services that claim they can help win back former lovers, with the first rule being “no contact with your ex”.A 28-year-old woman, using the pseudonym Wan, said she had paid a “relationship coach” 3,500 yuan (US$500) for a month of 24/7 coaching to win back her ex-boyfriend who recently broke up with her.The coach used an initial free 90-minute phone call as bait, concluding that Wan’s relationship had ended not because her ex did not love her, but because her insecurity had pressured him too much. They further said Wan felt insecure because she was not loved enough by her parents.They offered Wan a one-month plan, which required “no contact” with her ex for the first 21 days, guiding her to change her appearance and teaching her conversation topics, or “hooks”, to “keep him interested”, and posting on her social media to show him she was “improving”.The coach said the success rate could reach 90 per cent if a plan was strictly followed.The above ad showcases a premium service within China’s highly profitable relationship counselling market. Photo: HandoutWan said she strictly followed the plan, but her ex ended up blocking her on a chat app.On Chinese social media, many self-claimed “relationship experts” advertise online services to rekindle relationships.They are targeting a large group of women heartbroken over their exes. On one platform, the hashtags #getbacktogether and #datingskills respectively have 970 million and 10.4 billion views.The popularity of these topics is believed to reflect women’s anxieties based on societal pressures that tether a woman’s happiness to her relationship status.After her ex blocked her, Wan interrogated the coach about the “90 per cent success rate” they had promised, but was instead offered a “higher-grade package with a more experienced mentor” for 9,800 yuan (US$1,400).Now, six months on, Wan said she had made her peace with the failure of her relationship, but when she had just broken up she was “in unbearable pain” and in desperate need of companionship.She also acknowledged that she could not find a more suitable man than her ex in the matchmaking market, which increased her anxiety.Further ReadingA deputy professor at a university in Shenzhen, who specialises in intimate relationships and gender, said many marriage and dating counselling companies targeted people who had just broken up and were emotionally vulnerable.People spend from thousands to tens of thousands of yuan to win back their exes. One woman spent 20,000 yuan on a plan to “get back with your ex in dignity”. She said she wanted her ex-husband to initiate a reconciliation so that she, who had asked for a divorce, would not look bad in front of her friends.Many marriage and relationship counselling companies target emotionally vulnerable individuals who have recently gone through a break-up. Photo: ShutterstockThe number of psychological counselling companies in China has increased from 18,000 in 2016 to 160,000 this year.Meanwhile, there are over 3,000 complaints about failed relationship counselling services on Black Cat, a Chinese consumer rights mediation platform operated by Sina, reflecting the industry’s lack of regulation.A psychological counsellor said many people fell for the coaches’ trap, instead of seeking help from professional counsellors, because they wanted a quick way to ease their pain.Although she still has many clients seeking to get back together with their exes, she noted a positive change in their attitudes.“Previously they only wanted to repair the relationship,” she said. “Now they focus more on themselves: what they could achieve from the relationship, and if marrying this man will benefit them.”